The soul purpose that I think I will find in my life is to make someone happy. Not that I dont make others happy, I just want one person. One person whom I can be with, all day and all night. I will make them laugh, I will make them smile, I’ll call them pretty or say dumb jokes that only we laugh at. I want to be me around them and have them understand why I do things. That would be nice.
You know, lately I have been very up and down. Mostly down, every few days I get a gasp of air, the sense that maybe I’ll get better and happier soon. Then suddenly I spiral downward. I don’t know what is going on, I am very scared. I truly don’t know why I say some of the things I say to people that I am close to. I rarely talk to anyone. I am alone and afraid of what people will think of me. Not talking only makes it worse but if people truly knew how sad and messed up in the head I am, who would want to talk to me? I fear I am going to lose one of the few people that I can talk to. What do I do when that happens? Do I just accept that I am alone? Do I abandon all hope? I don’t even know who I am myself sometimes. The truly scares me.